As I am writing this blog, it has officially been two months and three weeks since I have returned home from Afghanistan. I had a plan for myself when I arrived back in the United States. My goals were:
o go through all items I mailed home
o go through anything I have not worn or used in the last year or two
o get the apartment back to the way I left it (I was pretty sure my boyfriend would have things shifted around)
o take time away from work (at least two months)
o go on a trip or buy myself something big
o take my nephew to water park or some outing
o shopping with my moms (she never wants to get anything for herself)
From that plan, I pretty much stuck to what I thought I would do, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t still a lot of boulders in the way causing a delay before I could move on to the next thing. For instance. I sent more stuff home from Afghanistan than I planned. When I started getting my stuff boxed up in June, it seemed I was only putting a small dent into what I had. I mean, nine months is a long time to be away from home and everything you are use to so, it’s expected to accumulate one thing or another and another and another. Well, you get my point. Anyway, I was concerned that I was being an inconvenience to my mom shipping everything to her house, but I’m more comfortable with her mail carrier (since I stayed with my mom for a while and got to know her) then shipping anywhere else. My mom quickly put me at ease when I asked her about sending so much to her home. She said, “Baby, don’t worry about, don’t worry about it, everything is right here at the door waiting for you when you get back.” I couldn’t help but to laugh. I mean she was just being honest. My mom is famous for that always. When I got home, there it was tall and proud, boxes and containers. Giving away my stuff starting out a little difficult. I usually give to a goodwill that I frequent myself a lot (especially Sundays – half price day), but they were gone. How? People certainly needed this thrift store, so why was it not here. My grandmother is usually another alternate to giving away my stuff, but she had not been feeling well and I didn’t want to impose on her even though her neighbors grandkids, nieces, etc. liked me to be in a giving mood. Lucky for me, my mom caught up with an old neighborhood friend and she was always on the look out for stuff. I unloaded bags I had in my truck and told her mom was coming. It’s certainly a lot of work to go through stuff you have built up for long periods of time. I usually go through my things yearly (and not just for charitable purposes on my tax returns) because when people give items to me, it brings the feeling of passing that on to others who may need the same. It usually works.
It took me almost two weeks to get through some of my crap (with still so much more to go). I did make a pretty good dent. Anything I looked at twice, I just threw in a pile to give away to someone else. Another dilemma was loosing weight. It was a goal to lose a few pounds and come home more fit and healthier. Well, that goal was mostly a success. I lost weight, but still have this stomach as a reminder that wants to be in a permanent relationship I guess. Now I can’t fit a lot of my clothes. I don’t have a budget for a new wardrobe. I had to try on my clothes to make sure of what could stay and what could go. A few things I really wanted, but the waist spoke to me saying girl, this is what you wanted, let me go. Today, I have emptied anything I didn’t use or wear from our place, but only partially in the storage locker I have. I intend to complete this by end of the month and by first week of November, to fully be done with the storage of things not used.
Since I didn’t go on any trips and paying bills and life in general back in the United States was all squeezing me at the same time, I made sure to carve out a piece of my hard-earned money to make an investment. I bought another vehicle. I’m so good at the use of eBay and Craigslist that I was able to find a good deal for second mood of transportation for me and my king (my boyfriend) to share. Now with only months left on the other contract for the first vehicle, the goal is to be done with car payments altogether and never to invest into anything long-term like that unless its to buy a home.
While I was at a doctor’s appointment, I stopped by my full-time job to say hi (they knew I was back from overseas) and let everyone see my face sort of speak. My supervisor spoke to me a little and then asked if I knew when I was coming back to work. Hmmmm let’s look at a full work week so I can get a full paycheck. I forgot about when the pay period starts and ended since I was gone so long, but it would be something I get use to again quickly because one of my duties is timekeeper. Well, my supervisor suggested that I come back on September 8th (mind you I returned back to the Maryland on August 2) and that seemed waaaaaay too fast for me. The next option was September 23rd. I walked away after saying I would think about it and let her know, but clearly in my mind the date was obvious. When I returned to work, it was like they weren’t prepared. My computer access was not done, the migrated to using our federal identification badges into the computer and I needed a new one (original one didn’t expired until Feb 2014, but it didn’t have pin activation) and the person who took over my duties was transferring to another location within our company and was very slow to help me get back into my daily routine. I had to take a lot of measures into my own hands. Luck for me I had gotten to know people in the right department before I left. It took a day to get my computer access, two days for a badge (and human resources was backed up on printing the badges, but for me I got mine done in a matter of days) and then there was my employee card we use in the gift shop, canteen and Starbucks that needed reactivation. People, really. I gave you a date that I was returning, what the heck is going on here. I was at work on Monday, bored out of my mind. By Wednesday things were shifted a little for medical reasons. My mammogram done in August along with my physical presented abnormal sites that needed a closer look. I had a biopsy two days after returning to work and now I’m waiting for results to see if I have cancer. Me, who just returned safely from the worse area overseas, may have Cancer. Let me tell you the biopsy is horrible. Whose idea is it to lay on the table with one breast inserted into a hole and lift the table like you’re getting an oil change at a Jiffy Lube. I couldn’t help but look at the screen that says, cutting, taking sample. Only moments after it started, I was screaming in pain. My body was in shock. By the time we went through the first biopsy spot, I was ready to leave and forget the whole matter. But the consequences of that is for the cancer to become even more invasive and we’re not sure what we are dealing with yet until the biopsy is done. So, the second area gets done and I’m in more pain. Long story short, October 1st I was given the news I’m in early stages and we need to do surgery to prevent anything further. My school work took a big hit. I couldn’t concentrate on a damn thing. It’s hard enough being a web designer and having creating ideas for projects, now I had this big weight on my mind and with the pain from the biopsy, I was even more frightened what I would be in to. I think my mom is taking it the worse. I’m the oldest of four kids (two by another woman I love very much) and my mom still looks at me like her baby. Well, this is why I can only tell her so much about my work in the army, she worries so much.
Now, I’m back at work, got through a slump from school work and things are coming along a little better. I mean it’s not perfect, but I’m not going to have the pity party any longer. I have always been an optimistic person for other people, yet for myself and this news, I had totally done a 360. Even my boyfriend who is in tune with me could feel my distance and that caused some controversy. Working that out with him and opening up to communicate more was a big deal for me. I’m so happy to have such supportive family and friends. At work only there are six other females who have gone through this process and answered so many questions. It’s all up to a higher power now. I have a few more things to work out, but Yolanda is working out a new plan. I am trying to keep up the progress in school, take on new initiatives at work in hopes of better opportunity that is available and a few other things I don’t want to say just yet. When you are away from your daily routine, life has to go on somehow without you. The thing is, we have a hard time because we are trying to make things like it was when we left, but that’s impossible. We have to be better. I know I want more out of whatever time I have left in the world. I need to make those things happen, but only if it is His will. It’s like I always say, “Everything happens for a reason, there is a reason for everything.”
Classy Talk 